plays out like it was written, directed, and filmed by people constantly on amphetamines.It features sequences such as a man being anally penetrated with a shotgun, a stripper being shot in such a way that all the silicone pours out of her breasts, and a crazed hooker (but still with a heart of gold, as far as that goes) played by Bai Ling who likes to compare Statham’s character and herself to Kevin Costner and Whitney Houston (even though Chev has no intention of being her bodyguard).When we first meet her, she destroys a man’s groin with a bicycle while uttering obscenities in a broken English that the creators were kind enough to subtitle for us.
(2009) Directed by: Mark Neveldine, Brian Taylor Starring: Jason Statham, Amy Smart, Dwight Yoakam, Efren Ramirez, Julanne Chidi Hill, Reno Wilson, Keone Young, Art Hsu, Joseph Julian Soria, Bai Ling, Clifton Collins Jr., David Carradine, Corey Haim, John de Lancie (out of 4) ) is a non-stop barrage of filth: a parade of profanity, tits, sex, and violence. Jason Statham plays Chev Chelios, who was killed in the first Crank movie after he dropped from a helicopter, bounced off a car, and hit the street.
It turns out that this guy isn’t that easy to kill, as we watch Hong Kong triad goons drive up, scoop him off the street with a shovel, and take him to Gangster Medical Center, keeping him on life support while his organs are being harvested.
First to go is his heart, which was so strong that it was able to survive Chinese poisons in the last film.
Therefore, it has been claimed by the 100-year old Triad leader Poon Dong (David Carradine), and in its place goes an artificial heart run on a battery (the mechanics of which is explained in the movie using a classroom slide presentation).
There’s a new take on the Chinatown scene from the last film; this time, Chev and Eve have sex on a horse track to the delight of onlookers.
He rides her like a cowboy and somebody even throws a hat out to him.A horse gallops over them, and Eve is astonished at the size of the horse’s genitals.As a TV anchorman (played by Star Trek TNG‘s John de Lancie) comments, it’s all quite implausible.Waking up and escaping before the bad guys can remove his penis, Chev goes on a mission to get his heart back.As you may expect, the quest to “find his heart” will involve lots of bloody violence and offending the sensibilities of just about everybody on the planet. for kids addicted to Grand Theft Auto and Skittles candy.has a similar plot to the first film, which you may recall was an amped up D. The catch this time around is that Chev has to keep his artificial heart recharged; this will involve methods like tasering himself, grabbing onto high voltage transformers, or even rubbing up against people (one of them is an old lady with a walker) so he can generate static electricity.