But in the religious world where dating is so often dependent on third parties making introductions, young men and women are at the mercy of others to meet a potential spouse.Those third-parties are often professional matchmakers or friends who set them up. So a mutual friend thinks, 'Wow, what a great match!
The religious Jewish dating scene is severely broken.
In the secular world men and women date by meeting each other at co-ed institutions like school and University or at events like parties and weekend getaways.
They begin to date and the relationship unfolds gradually and organically as they get to know each other better over time. There are major problems in this model, like the fact that pretty girls and overtly successful guys are going to get noticed over those with quieter and subtler virtues.
Likewise, sex has come to play such a prominent role in secular dating that couples get to know each other physically rather than emotionally, creating distance and a lack of real intimacy in relationships.
And even if it doesn't, at least it will teach you about what you're not looking for.
But the more you date, the more desensitized you become. You're overexposed to something that's supposed to be just a little outside your reach, thereby inviting you to cross over to the other side.
After a while, you've dated so many people that not only do they become a blur, but you're reduced to using the most superficial criteria to distinguish them.
'Oh good, this guy is taller than the last few guys I dated.' 'Oh no, she has very thin eyebrows.
It looks like she made them with an eyeliner.'Because of these flaws in the religious dating mechanism, we're beginning to see something that the orthodox Jewish world expressly preaches against: people dating for as many people as possible and choosing superficial criteria like looks and money by which to choose a spouse, getting married much later, and consequently having much smaller families just when the Jewish people are hemorrhaging large numbers to assimilation and really need more kids.
And the matchmaking system is getting worse in our time for a number of reasons.
First, the orthodox Jewish community has exploded and the numbers are now enormous.