With the sex, there ought to be a deep sense of safety, a sense of being loved and accepted for who you are, a desire to please without the need to impress.
When God engineered the sexual bond between a man and a woman, he made something much more satisfying than the act itself. And the more is found in a mutual faith in and following of Jesus.
Those who recklessly give themselves to a love-life of dating without really dating, of romantic rendezvouses without Christ and commitment, are settling. With this “more,” we can say to the watching world, don’t settle for artificial and thin loyalty, affection, security, and sexual experimentation when God intends and promises so much more through a Christian union.
The world’s approach can provide fun and sex and children and eventually even some level of commitment, but it cannot lead to the life-giving Jesus after whom our marriages are to take their cues.
Friends who enjoy sex with “no strings attached” will find pleasure, but not the peaks waiting on the other side of mutual promises.
The happiness of marriage is not only or even mainly physical.
But God had much more in mind with romance than orgasms or even procreation, and so should we. When people in the world are expecting less and less of each other in dating, God isn’t — so among the single we have to work harder in our not-yet married relationships to preserve what marriage ought to picture and provide.
Nothing in my life and faith has been more confusing and spiritually hazardous than my pursuit of marriage. Maybe you’ve wanted the relationship or liked the guy or girl, and you’ve never had the chance.
From far too young, I longed for the affection, safety, and intimacy I anticipated with a wife. I experimented too much with our hearts and allowed things to go too far. And now my singleness is a regular reminder that I messed up, missed opportunities, or did it wrong. Maybe all the suggestions and advice you’ve collected has become a confusing mess of good-intentioned contradictions and ambiguity.
Sadly, my immature and unhealthy desires predictably did much more harm than good. Maybe dating has been hard for you, too, for these reasons or others. It’s enough to leave you like an 8-year-old, asking, “Mom, where do weddings come from?
Don’t sit around waiting for a boy to make you a priority, communicate his intentions, or even call you on the phone. And this God created and rules his world, including men, women, the biological compulsions that bind them together, and the institution that declares their union and keeps it sacred and safe.
Girls, stop expecting guys to make any formal attempt at winning your affections.