That has nothing to do with kids or age or anything. Which brings me to something that I’ve been sitting on for a few months and wanted to share here with you.
If you understand 40-year-old men, you pretty much understand 60-year-old men. It’s an update from my friend, Lori Gottlieb, author of “Marry Him,” my favorite relationship book.
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Hate to tell you, sweetie, but the reason that the Brady Bunch is NOT a fantasy is because both Mike and Carol HAD kids. The tone of your email suggests that because I am a single guy who found love with a childless woman that my advice is invalid to you. Everyone likes to think her situation is particularly unique. Advice for women over 50 is almost identical to advice for women under 50.
To be fair, you almost figure this out by the end of your email: “If he has (kids) too, then it’s like he can understand but he doesn’t want to pick up someone else’s slack.” Pick up someone else’s slack? Advice for women who want kids is almost identical to advice for women who don’t.
If you are confident, self-aware, have a high emotional IQ, a low tolerance for being mistreated and understand the opposite sex, you’re going to do well in relationships.
Evan, I fall into the majority of divorced women with a degree who are looking on line, but with children.
Dating with children changes the rules of the game entirely. As a single person without children you are open to possibilities, open to long distance relationships even, but when the kids are around then we have to change our mindset to realizing that we are Teflon until the kids are out of the house, that the Brady Bunch was just a fantasy TV sitcom, and that living a life of dating without the kids makes us live two lives, one with kids and one without.
Soon enough you’re going to resent one of them, if not both, and the idea of bringing your children along for dates is not really something acceptable.
So you can talk about what your dating life as a single man was like –you wanted a woman who you could have children with, so you probably didn’t date women with children and if you did you soon found out that they needed to be thrown back.
That’s how I feel, that every man I meet will never really date me for a serious relationship because I have children, and especially if he has his too, then it’s like he can understand but he also doesn’t want to pick up someone else’s slack.
Perhaps you can recommend a different resource…or you can explain how your comments apply when it comes to dating with children.
Joy, Thanks for your email, as it reveals both some truths and blind spots.
Truth: it’s a lot easier to date if you don’t have kids. This just reveals your blind spot – you keep on choosing men without kids.