I know that the overriding majority of women that get in touch with me and mention the word ‘loneliness’ are also lonely when they have a man in their life.
In fact, I know people who feel just as alone in a room full of people, nevermind one on one with a man.
If you still end up feeling lonely and riddled with insecurity in spite of the fact that you have a man in your life, why do you still feel that having a man, having a relationship, having dalliances, having sex, having attention from these people, having an illusion, having more issues to deal with that result from being involved with these men, is the answer to your problems?
It’ll be OK, happiness awaits me on the other side.”“Those cars were going way too fast. I didn’t have the time to make that journey and surely you couldn’t expect me to be on my own for the next 10 miles…oh goodness, where is everyone? ”It is in essence, just another way of sabotaging your efforts, which in itself again shows self-esteem issues, and a more deep rooted instinct to keep yourself away from relationships that offer a stronger possibility of commitment.
They should have stopped or slowed down when they saw me coming. I thought that it was going to be really good here, so how come I feel so crappy. If you are not willing to put aside even a few months out of your life to focus on you and clearing out the emotional closet so you can get down to hand baggage and approach men, dating, and relationships from a healthier positive perspective, already dedicating a likely far longer period to self-negativity and poor relationships, there are certain things you need to do and remember: 1) You are choosing your experience and bearing in mind that you know what the very likely result will be, that puts you in the hotseat of responsibility.
2) You’d better leave your insecurities at the proverbial door, because while people accept that we come with a level of baggage, it is highly unattractive to be in relationships with people whose baggage permeates everything and who appear to need reassurance, validation, affirmation, and discussions above and beyond the comfort levels of even the healthiest of people.
I could sit here and talk till I am blue in the face and give you umpteen reasons why issues will continue to arise and you will continue to be unhappy, but you and only you make your choices about where you want to go and what you want to do.
choices you choose to make, and trust me, they are all choices, you only learn through the proof of your actions and what results from them.
When you get negative results from what you continue to actively pursue, you don’t get to be right and blame men, the dating pool, or any of the whole host of reasons that we come up with for why things aren’t working out, because you are armed with a significant amount of knowledge and you have decided to, for instance, turn right instead of left.
It’s not that sh*t behaviour from another party is not sh* behaviour, but you are “I know that I can walk 10 miles and cross safely to the other side of the road, but I’m lonely, time is running out, everyone else is younger and fitter than me, and damnit, I hate feeling like this, so I’m going to cross here, even though I know that I am very likely to get run down by the very fast oncoming traffic.
A couple of days back, I asked the question, ‘If you’re healing, why are you dating?
’ in response to the repeated problems that I see arising when we’re not prepared to spend some dedicated to focusing on ourselves and dealing with the issues that are impacting on our self-esteem and the possibility of happiness, whether that is on our own…or with someone else.