Which brings us to a notion that I articulated in which has a funny way of always resurfacing on this blog: “Men look for sex and find love.” This doesn’t mean he’s a player or a liar or a loser. The way he figures out if he really wants to be in a relationship with you is based on the quality time you spend talking over that first month or two.
This doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be a good husband and father one day. This is completely separate from his desire to sleep with you.
You’ve said it to me loud and clear; you’ve been hurt before, you don’t want it to happen again, and you definitely don’t want to waste your time.
It’s important to remember, however, that nobody escapes matters of the heart completely unscathed.
In 99% of relationships, either he’s breaking up with you or you’re breaking up with him. Which means that there’s a bit of risk involved in any relationship, and there’s not a single thing that your trusty dating coach can do to entirely eliminate that risk. This disconnect explains almost all of the friction in dating and once you understand it, you can make a permanent adjustment.
What I’d like to do is help you mitigate that risk a bit so that you don’t end up wasting too much time on the “wrong” men. All he knows on the first date is that he’s attracted to you.
Women, for the most part, are rarely focused on the date itself. The way he figures out if he really wants to be in a relationship with you is based on the quality time you spend talking over that first month or two.
Half the time you’re on the first date with him, you’re trying to see through him and predict the future: “What’s wrong with this guy? This is completely separate from his desire to sleep with you.
If you want to be exclusive with a guy, you have to give him time to want to be exclusive with you.
Every relationship has a story, and we want to hear yours.
Whether you met the woman or man of your dreams online, at a church social or in a biker bar, whether your great romance is with the person sitting beside you or the one who got away, we want to hear how it all got started.
This is a question I received on my latest survey about a dozen times, which lets me know that it’s important to you.
And if it’s important to you, it’s important to me.