definition relative dating science - Self validating statements

Obviously a part of them does not accept themselves, as Steve Wells has recently explored in his posts on self-acceptance.They cannot validate their self and being-it would not seem to be real or true-if it includes all the disowned and awful stuff.

It means affirming a sense of self-personally, and for others.

It is our work on ourselves that makes the difference in relationship with another.

This work is the only area in which we have the healthy illusion of control.

We have huge problems in relationship accepting all the human qualities of another but these are insignificant to the struggle in accepting ourselves ” Yet I have noticed very consistently that people hesitate when saying the reminder phrase for the first time when this word appears.

Right at the start of learning EFT people encounter their own invalidation. In this “relationship” with ourselves we are not together-we are The resistance is not logical, or rational, or intellectual-it is emotional and part of a negative belief. I think the great challenge is in validating the “dark side”: recognising what it means, and acknowledging its legitimate presence and linked suffering.

Of course we were trained and conditioned over years to think and feel that something was wrong with us-because of our behaviour. Few people consider that their mistakes are what they can truly call their own!

And these are not necessarily “learning experiences” either-just mistakes.

A friend of mine says wryly: “” We mistakenly conclude that our mistakes and faults should never exist. When a couple fights in the counselling room, I don’t stop them!

I merely enquire after a lull if this is the nature of their relationship?

I tell them I don’t want to interfere with a finely-tuned system that might be working just fine in a way I can’t understand. Of course the other partner blames them and is impossible to live with. So, “” I accept their “fault” while I tacitly encourage them to change. {Who am I to impose my beliefs about friendship and companionship on a couple who so obviously are saving two other people from such relationship misery?

} “The FOCUSING approach with it’s total acceptance of everything, no judgment, no fixing, but BEING PRESENT to everything that comes is the crucial factor for me, and that’s what I try to bring to my clients” Most suffering in relationship is caused by the triggering of toxic feelings of disconnection. People hate being criticized-especially in relationship- because this intrudes into their existing self-doubt at once.

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