INTJs’ dominant function is Introverted Intuition (Ni). In order to better understand how INTJs approach dating and romantic relationships, it is necessary to consider the potential impact and implications of their four primary personality functions (Ni, Te, Fi, Se).
Although not afraid to assert themselves via their auxiliary function, Extraverted Thinking (Te), INTJs are naturally more passive, even somewhat phlegmatic in their presentation (at least until they get into Judging mode).
More proactive types, such as ENTJs, might even consider INTJs a bit lazy or apathetic.
Of course, INTJs would be the first to tell you that how we define lazy is entirely relative.
Because their first job is to function as Perceivers rather than as Judgers or actors, operating in a passive mode of perception is actually the sort of “work” they are meant to be doing, work that can ultimately benefit society.
As INTJs intuitively form impressions about the world, they naturally want to express them via their auxiliary Te.
And because INTJs often prefer expressing themselves orally rather than in writing, they seek out others interested in hearing their knowledge and insights (they resemble INFJs in this respect).
In fact, one of the primary reasons INTJs seek relationships is to have someone to share ideas with.
As David Keirsey put it, for INTJs, love often comes (and arguably should come) in the form of a “mindmate.” Unfortunately, finding a suitable mindmate is rarely an easy task for INTJs.
When it comes to forming and developing relationships, INTJs often have a few factors working against them.
For one, they express themselves via their auxiliary Te rather than Fe.
Consequently, like other TJ types, they can come across as blunt, mechanical, or lacking a certain degree of tact or social know-how.